An anxious day

Just on the edge of anxious.  Today felt like I was just on the edge of being anxious. Not jittery, shaky and wild thoughts, but buzzing. Not happy, not sad, just a buzzy type feeling for most of the day, when I was alone with my own thoughts. I took the time to run races with the kids on the playground today. Exercise, kid laughter helps.

I went to bed late and woke up right at 6:00 am this morning. Woke up because I had to go to the bathroom. But when I wake up, I cannot seem to get back to sleep. It is like my mind is on full alert. Looking for signals on if I am going to be anxious or not. Is my stomach upset? How about my neck, is that creepy-crawly feeling there? Oh, my heart is beating too fast, I can feel it, it might be a heart problem (it is not).  Oh, is that cramps? Maybe you have cancer of the uterus or ovarian cancer? I read some of the symptoms of that, you may have it. 

My goal during this time is to “set my mind on things above”. I pull up my Bible app. I read my Bible. I go over the scripture verses I am trying to memorize.

But in the back of my mind, I am always analyzing. Analyzing every little feeling my body has. Is that a heart flutter? Atrial Fibrillation runs in the family, maybe you have it now because you cannot control your anxiety? Someone once said you can get high blood pressure problems from being anxious. Maybe you have high blood pressure?  Maybe you will be like this FOREVER? (It has only been a week).

I want to go back to feeling “normal”. But what is normal? For me it is not feeling like my head has pressure across my forehead and not feeling creepy-crawly feelings up the back of my neck and getting hot. I want to think about work situation without feeling all these horrible, overwhelming feelings of dread.